Deployment Didn’t Save Me, But It Changed Me
Deployment Didn't Save Me
But It Changed Me
If I'm being honest, this last year was one of the hardest years of my life.
Not the hardest — that title still belongs to the season I lost my baby. But this year sits right beneath it.
There were moments I felt exhausted in ways sleep couldn't fix. Moments when I questioned myself. Moments when I was carrying so much emotionally that I didn't even realize how heavy the load had become.
And before Joshua left for deployment, I made a decision. Not a resolution. Not a goal. A decision.
I was going to dedicate this deployment to finding myself again. Not just for me. For God. For my husband. For my children.
Because somewhere along the way, I had become so focused on managing life that I stopped fully living it. I was showing up, but I wasn't thriving. I was surviving.
So when deployment began, I made a choice. I could spend the next several months counting down days, or I could spend them becoming.
And let me tell you something: becoming is uncomfortable. Because growth requires honesty. It forces you to look at the habits you've been excusing. The fears you've been entertaining. The wounds you've been carrying. The version of yourself you've outgrown.
I thought deployment would test my marriage. Instead, God used it to transform me.
He showed me where I had become complacent. He showed me where I was placing my identity in roles instead of Him. He showed me where I had been settling for survival when He was inviting me into growth.
And honestly? It's beautiful. But it also hurts. Because I wish some of these breakthroughs had happened with Joshua sitting beside me. I wish he could have witnessed every hard conversation with God. Every tear. Every realization. Every moment I chose discipline when excuses would've been easier.
There's a part of me that wishes this transformation didn't have to happen while my spouse was thousands of miles away. But maybe that's exactly why it happened.
Sometimes the wilderness becomes the place where we finally meet ourselves again.
Could deployment have taken me under? Absolutely. And if we're being honest, it would've been easy. Easy to become bitter. Easy to isolate. Easy to stay stuck. Easy to spend months focused only on what I was missing.
And no judgment to the women who struggle there. Deployment is hard. Military life asks a lot of us.
But at some point I realized I had a choice.
Let It Diminish Me
Let It Develop Me
And little by little, I chose transformation. Not perfectly. Not every day. But consistently. And somewhere in that consistency, God began doing what only He can do. He began rebuilding me.
- Faith
grew deeper.
- Mind
grew stronger.
- Body
grew healthier.
- Marriage
grew more intentional.
And most importantly, I remembered who I was. Not just a wife. Not just a mother. Not just someone carrying responsibilities. But a daughter of God with purpose beyond her circumstances.
Maybe that's the lesson deployment has taught me. Hard seasons don't automatically destroy us. Sometimes they reveal us. Sometimes they refine us. Sometimes they become the cocoon where God performs a quiet miracle.
And while I would never choose the pain of separation, I can honestly say this:
So if you're in a season that feels heavy right now, hear me when I say this: you don't have to let it take you under. You can let it transform you. You can queen up. You can lean into the discomfort. You can let God use what feels like an interruption to become an invitation.
Because sometimes the hardest seasons produce the most beautiful versions of ourselves. And sometimes the very thing we never wanted becomes the thing God uses to change everything. 🤍
With grace and honesty,Justine
